This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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