I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
