Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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