I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
