Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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