I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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