If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
