Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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