I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
two words: eviction party
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
