dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
