i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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