I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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