Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I had to cum in my sink.
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