I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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