I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We're too hungover to prance.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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