I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
tell me about the fingering
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
