What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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