I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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