I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
