sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
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