Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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