I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
we're making bets on your personal life
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
