Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
