i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
