Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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