The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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