bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
