So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
