I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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