Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
