I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
