Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
