You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
