There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
