he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
