Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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