It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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