i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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