the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
