I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
