i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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