singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
time to smoke my breakfast
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Boobs speak an international language.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
