I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
