I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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