Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
