my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
