it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
