When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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