I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
