You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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