Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
