Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
