im holly from the hills drunk
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
