it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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