was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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