i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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