I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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