The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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