I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
