Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
