good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
