Your dad touched me again.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
