Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
