God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
