saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
