The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
