She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
