ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
