i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
