Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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