i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
