I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
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As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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