Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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