i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
